Southern Turkey’s snowfamilies pursue colder temperatures

  • Published
  • By Staff Sgt. Kali L. Gradishar
  • 39th Air Base Wing Public Affairs
INCIRLIK AIR BASE, Turkey --  After more than 100 years since the last hefty snowfall in south central Turkey, snowfamilies throughout the region are left with little choice but to pack up and head elsewhere in hopes of finding a much colder precipitous environment.

"We haven't had a good snow here in a very long time, and it's getting harder and harder to keep my family frozen," said Fred "Ice Ice Baby" Storm. "Even though we keep temperatures low in our household we're in constant fear of melting, especially during the lengthy summer.

"I mean, can you imagine what power outages are like for us? It's like we're living in constant fear," he said.

Storm isn't the only snowman doubting the possibility of staying in the region. His snowfamily is just one of many feeling the effects of warmer temperatures, increasingly costly utilities and a lack of work. Many are succumbing to notion that cities in the south are no place for middle class snowpeople.

"Our electricity bill has increased exponentially in recent years; I don't make enough money to keep my family here," said Chuck "The Deep Freeze" Schneeball. "Finding a job is already difficult, not to mention the difficulty in finding a workplace willing to keep temperatures at a comfortable 28 degrees."

Schneeball was recently laid off from the local meatpacking plant downsizing due to recent budget cuts and increasing production costs. He's one of many hoping to find better job opportunities in the northeast.

"I just think we'll have a better chance at a good life at a higher elevation," echoed Ronald "Subzero" Fweeze, also laid off from the meatpacking plant. "I envy the mountainous snowfamilies - a life with fewer worries."

His snowwife, Geraldine "Arctic Heart" Fweeze, agreed, "I dream of the day my snowchildren are able to play outside and I'm able to have an icicle garden; I haven't had one in years.

"I can't remember the last time I went outside the house. I spend my time at the ice machine, grinding ice into snow to pack our snowbaby into a full-grown snowadult. Either that or I'm in the kitchen making ice cream sandwiches," she said. "It's time for us to move on."

With such an increase in snowtravelers, the Department of Snowstate is broadcasting various travel safety messages aimed at preventing mishaps for those migrating northeast.

Snowtravelers are encouraged to carry portable cooling systems. Those risking the elements without a portable cooling system should check the weather and heed weather warnings before venturing out.

In the event of a partial melting, snowpeople can reach the local on-call snowphysician at 555-SNOW. For complete meltdowns, snowpeople should call snowcoroner Drake "Hard Packed" Blissard at 555-MELT.