Not to be used as a condiment

  • Published
  • By Col. "Tip" Stinnette
  • 39th Air Base Wing Commander
Around the Thanksgiving turkey the family had gathered for the traditional meal of over-indulgence. They had prepared the dinner with great care and even roasted the turkey with a thermometer to ensure that it was cooked to the proper temperature. In fact when they pulled the thermometer from the turkey they figured it must have been cooked much higher than the right temperature because the thermometer had exploded in the roasted turkey.

The family tradition spiraled into disaster when the family of five decided to eat the turkey anyway. In short order they were dialing for an ambulance. The family was rushed to the hospital, treated, and released.

Looks like we can expect a new warning label in the not so distant future: "Contents of this thermometer are not to be used as a condiment."

This story reminds me of the lawsuit that produced the label for coffee cups warning us: "contents may scald if spilled." To most of us that would be a BFO ... blinding flash of the obvious ... I have yet to meet anyone that read the side of a coffee cup and said, "hmmm, good to know, thanks for the warning."

So, I've been thinking ... maybe we should put warning labels on the sides of cars: "could be fatal if operated with alcohol."

How about a warning label for skate boards: "could cause sever trauma if operated without a helmet." Better yet, how about a warning label on the side of helmets: "probably won't work if you don't connect the chin strap." I was thinking about asking 10th Tanker Command to put a warning label on the gate pass: "could cause personal, unit, and host nation distress if operated with excessive alcohol."

But I decided that it was a BFO ... I mean, we've talked about each of these cases many times over. In fact, last week I wrote that we would put patrol cars near the front gate. Apparently, someone didn't get the message ... a prime candidate for the car warning label: "could cause a lot of personal distress if stopped while operating with alcohol."

Okay ... it's all good and you all are heroes.

For the 99.9 percent of the rest of us, you did great this past weekend.

As promised, I went to Area 51 and the Club and was pleased to see everyone having fun responsibly. So keep it up, don't become a label, and by all means don't use the contents of the thermometer as a condiment for your turkey.