Captain Magneto

  • Published
  • By Col. "Tip" Stinnette
  • 39th Air Base Wing commander
INCIRLIK AIR BASE, Turkey --  A magneto uses magnets to produce a powerful high-voltage electric current to fire the starters of aircraft. One night a group of officers had a private competition to see who could hold onto the four leads of a magneto the longest. One by one they all dropped out, except for "Captain Magneto." The group then pooled their money and came up with a bet, and the debonair Captain Magneto took the bet. He attached all four leads to his left testicle. Then they fired up the magneto. As you can imagine, Captain Magneto dropped like a sack of potatoes. 

Nobody was able to assist him because they were all laughing too hard to breathe, let alone move. To add insult to injury, Mrs. Magneto (his wife) chose this very moment to walk in. She took one look at her husband, and instead of comforting him she yelled, "What's wrong with you, I want kids someday!" In time, Captain Magneto was able to stand without screaming but he probably won't be playing with magnetos any time soon.
This is just another true Darwin account that actually is not too far from a true Incirlik account. Of course we substituted a taser gun for the magnetos and then decided to shoot our buddies. When I got the call, "Jackass--The Movie" went through my mind. Wouldn't it be nice if we all had someone who could ask us "what's wrong with you?" before we did something colossally stupid? 

I bet Captain Magneto wished his wife had said those four words before the magneto was fired up. Come to think of it, we have wingmen who can say those four words and throw in "chucklehead" for good measure. Captain Magnetos, chuckleheads, and "Jackass--The Movie"... three reasons why we need wingmen who ask "what's wrong with you"... the last time I checked, all three are incompatible with ensuring freedom's future.