Stinging Gelatinous Creatures

  • Published
  • By Col. "Tip" Stinnette
  • 39th Air Base Wing commander
INCIRLIK AIR BASE, Turkey --  The good biologist was hot on the heels of the source of a mysterious illness called Irukandji Syndrome. Sufferers endure excruciating back pain, sweating, and nausea. He suspected that the source of the illness was a tiny marine creature, so he set about finding it by sitting on the seabed for hours, wearing a weighted diving suit. Note the outstanding Darwin potential demonstrated. However, the Grim Reaper did not yet beckon. Instead, the fickle finger of fate rewarded him by revealing the source of the mystery illness: a minute jellyfish, its bell measuring only an inch across. It was at this point that the good Biologist's latent Darwin potential, already hinted at, was unleashed to its full (and nearly fatal) potential.

There are many toxic jellyfish in the sea. Our dedicated biologist knew he must test his hypothesis that this gelatinous creature was toting the particular venom that causes Irukandji Syndrome. And how best to go about this? He chose the most expedient method available: he stung himself. Foolish? Yes, but the good biologist was not done yet. To reach truly dizzying heights of Darwinian grandeur, one must ensure that one's deficient DNA is entirely removed from the gene pool. As the biologist had already sired an heir, there was only one thing left to do...he stung his 14-year-old son as well! Despite this truly outstanding effort to place the continued existence of the biologist's lineage in mortal peril -- alas, it wasn't to be. The biologist, his son, and the nearby lifeguard whom the good biologist also introduced to the joys of Irukandji Syndrome, were all rushed to the Intensive Care Unit of a nearby hospital. All three survived and the jellyfish was named after the good biologist.

Isn't it great to know that no matter how stupid we are, no matter how impolite we are, no matter what we look like, no matter what we do for a job, and even if we sting ourselves with a gelatinous creature on purpose, the Incirlik Medical Team will always do its utmost to ensure we don't remove ourselves from the gene pool. No Easter egg hunt required, the medical support will be there when needed. Our Medical Group has the heart of a trauma center and the resources of a clinic. Throw them a bone and don't sting yourself with a jellyfish this summer; it makes it so much easier to ensure freedom's future.