‘Can I kiss you?’ covers birds, bees and beyond at IUS

  • Published
  • By Senior Airman Marissa Tucker
  • 39th Air Base Wing Public Affairs
INCIRLIK AIR BASE, Turkey --  Students at Incirlik Unit School participated in a program developed to promote healthy relationships while also combating those uncomfortable and sometimes awkward situations that arise in both adolescence and adulthood.

Mike Domitrz, author of the book "May I Kiss You?" and speaker for the "Can I Kiss You" program, spoke to students and parents about the importance of keeping an open dialogue about sensitive topics, such as dating, sex and dangerous relationships. Creating a "judge-free" environment was one of the points Domitrz stressed most to parents.

"Parents, believe it or not, have been in the same situations. They should be your source for these questions you have," said Domitrz. "But the number one reason kids don't always come to their parents is the fear of judgment."

Making smart decisions, including in situations where alcohol is involved and looking out for friends was among the topics discussed. Mention of the proverbial "creeper" who lurks on unsuspecting, possibly inebriated party goers received a few laughs from the crowd, but Domitrz stressed the importance of watching out for not only friends, but anyone who seems to be in a potentialy dangerous situation.

"We're using alcohol to do things we're not ready to do," he said. "You cannot legally give consent when you have been drinking. Make the decision to step in."

The program included several skits in which participants from the audience acted out characters. One of these skits included an after-date scene where the female was pursuing the male in hopes of a kiss. The major crowd reaction led Domitrz to his main point in the program.

"Why would the girl be asking for a kiss? That's what the guy does," asked an audience member.

"Who says it has to be the male?" Domitrz asked. The crowd immediately began to appear in deep thought.

Domitrz explained to the audience that in any type of intimate encounter or contact, there should always be clear, verbal consent from both parties before making any moves. Avoiding confusion by asking the tough questions may not completely stop those awkward moments, but it will ensure each partner's wishes are respected, he said.

"As a general rule, if you can't talk and ask questions about something you are doing with another person, chances are, you're not ready to be doing it," Domitrz said.

While he does not encourage intimacy until one fully understands how it will affect him or her, he does want everyone to realize their self-worth before engaging in these activities. Having respect for each other, a commitment, honesty and trust are key factors in any kind of relationship, Domitrz said.

"Even a one-night stand is a form of a relationship. You never forget that person, so why have a lifelong connection to someone you have no intention of being with? In a committed relationship, you don't have to keep looking for something new," Domitrz said.

For some of the parents, dating has drifted a long way from the rules of first, second and third base.
"When I was younger, people would actually date. Someone would ask, they would get picked up, and they actually went out and did things together. It wasn't for a week or two or a month, it was an actual commitment," said Shannon Enold, wife of 39th Mission Support Group Commander Col. Scott Enold who has a daughter at IUS.

Domitrz expressed his opinion on the matter by encouraging parents to adjust to the seemingly peculiar ideas of teenage dating and keep their children informed on the potential consequences of their actions, without ridiculing their teen's beliefs.

"If they say that two weeks is dating, then that's dating for them," Domitrz said.

As he closed his programs, Domitrz shared a personal story and the reason he committed his life to informing teens and adults about the beauty of meaningful intimacy, having the courage to make difficult choices and not being afraid to tell someone when something bad happens. At 23 years old, his sister was sexually assaulted. Since then, Domitrz has traveled to schools and military bases around the world promoting respect, consent and safe relationships in hopes of saving someone from becoming a victim or a perpetrator.